Deb's Bio

I am honored to be included in this photo journal project. I have known Jen since she was a baby, and her Mom Beth, happens to be one of my wonderful friends, God has blessed me with. Jen also was our photographer that took the last family picture we would have all together, My husband Art, myself and our three handsome boys – or young men as they would prefer I’m sure! We knew Art was getting weaker, and the cancer was taking over more of his body…but we did not know that 16 days later he would die. Leaving me a widow at age 50 and our three boys without a father. We knew he was going to die, but we hoped we could have the summer together.

It has been quite a whirlwind for the past 2 ½ years. The fall of 2006 Art was having some discomfort and difficulty swallowing. He said, “Debbie, food just isn’t going down very well. It seems to get stuck.” One day turned into another and finally he went in and had an Endoscopy done in Grand Forks. I went with him. We were concerned but were prepared for Art needing a procedure to stretch the esophagus. He had a long history of acid reflux, and was –I would say- high strung, even though he did not appear to be to others. He also had smoked for several years before being able to quit. It was such a battle for him. I had pleaded with him during our early years of marriage for him to quit smoking.

Well, this particular day, we were told the news that changed the course of our family and my life. The Endoscopy had revealed a tumor at the junction of the Esophagus and the Stomach….Carcinoma of the GE Junction, was the diagnosis. We were stunned, and I felt numb. After much discussion with family, we decided that Art should receive medical attention at Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. He wanted to wait until the deer hunting season was over, as he wanted to take our 3 boys hunting all together as was their special yearly adventure.

Once in Rochester, Art started his Radiation and Chemo treatments. We rented a furnished apartment that was near the clinic. Our youngest son came along for two weeks, and he came to some of the treatments and appointments. Art had complications from the Radiation. It enflamed his spinal cord tissue and caused severe back pain. He had had two previous back surgeries. Due to the pain, he actually collapsed on his knees in the middle of the night, and I frantically called ER at Mayo! The pain meds would not stay down due to the nausea from the Radiation and Chemo, so he started vomiting…he ended up in the hospital with a PEJ Tube which became his life line for nutrition for pretty much the rest of his life. The PEJ Tube allowed him to take meds along with formula to keep his calorie count. He had difficulty with vomiting and continued to vomit 2 to 4 times a day for 5 months. My big strong man, with beautiful dark tanned skin and dark hair (graying) was quickly loosing weight.

We were able to come home for Christmas for one month then back to Mayo for the big surgery. Art had the Ivor Lewis procedure done, meaning the Esophagus and part of the stomach was removed. The remaining stomach was stretched upward and attached to the small part of the esophagus that remained in the throat area. He no longer had a stomach, but we hoped and prayed the cancer would be gone. This surgery was on Valentine’s Day. He had bought a Black Hills Gold necklace and earrings with a sweet card and placed it in my suitcase so I could open it before he went into surgery. It was a long awful surgery.

Once back home, Art developed fluid around the lungs in the chest cavity. He became so winded, and was getting weaker. He was hospitalized again, this time in Grand Forks, then we ended up taking the ambulance back to Mayo. The problem was not subsiding.

Our boys were ages 15, 18, and 23. They were on their own for such long periods. We stayed in touch by phone. I was so torn. I worried about my husband, my sons, the bills, missing so much work, and what was going to happen. Even though I was weary and spent, we both had faith and trust that God knew what He was doing, and we would be obedient to His will. The prayers of family and friends, as well as cards and gifts of money was overwhelming to us. Food and groceries came to the boys back home and we had a large following on the Caringbridge website.

Things started to look like they were settling down. Our second son was graduating from Highschool and I was planning the Open House to celebrate this event, as well as trying to get back to work. That summer was difficult. We use to enjoy riding motorcycle together, eating as a family, and doing things together. Art had been a strong man going to work every day and being the provider. No longer could he enjoy eating, and he seemed to be loosing interest in life. For everything he went through it was certainly understandable.

Our families and friends were huge supports for us. They continued to call, send cards, prayed for us and came for short visits. We felt so loved and blessed to have such kind people around us. Our Church took us in their arms and held us up, wanting to do whatever they could to be a support. Another big surgery came in July of 2008. A stripping of the Parietal Pleura in hopes of stopping the fluid from building around the lungs. Another period of healing was needed. Art did not seem to be getting any better. I cried as I shared my great concern with family and friends.

In January of 2009, the routine checkup at Mayo determined that the cancer was once again active and back with a vengeance in the abdomen. Art decided not to go through anymore treatments. And in tears we said good-bye to the Mayo Dr.s and staff. It had been a wonderful place for medical care, but now they had done all they could.

We came back home and told the news to our loved ones. It was very sad. It was so hard for the boys. They did not know how to process this. Our youngest was playing Basketball in HS and starting to hang out with kids we had never heard of, our middle son was struggling with college but trying to spread his wings with a job- an apartment and a girlfriend, and our oldest was working and attending Grad School in Colorado. Lots of struggles for a Mother to watch!

We decided to do some traveling. Art and I flew to Arizona to spend time with three of his brothers and then to Colorado to spend time with our oldest son. Art was getting weaker and weaker. He enjoyed being with family but was quiet and in pain. He must have known that his time was getting short, but we hoped we could have the summer months together sitting in the back yard. Then in March, we called Hospice and began working with them. Art started using oxygen in April. We had a hospital bed moved in on a Monday, and by Tuesday he was in it. He declined so quickly. It was a blur, but our Pastor, friends, and family were there for us. Our son and my sister were able to fly in from Colorado before Art died. I don’t know what I would have done without my sister. She literally became my right arm as we cared and tried to make Art comfortable. When he died, he was surrounded by his loved ones. Were had been married for 30 ½ years. I had never been on my own. We were so use to having each other as soul mates. We did not necessarily do everything together, but we were best friends as well as lovers.

So now it has been one year since Art died. The boys and I have made it this far. I miss him terribly. I know that God has a plan for my life and just when I feel despair, He sends my friends or family to bless me in some way. He is a wonderful God and I could not go on without His strength. I bought a Town House in Grand Forks and now have my house in Thompson for sale. It is hard to leave the house that we built but it is a house for a family. My youngest son is graduating from High School next month, my oldest son is getting married this summer, and my middle son just got offered a new job which he is very excited about and plans to start college again in the fall. I am so thankful for my job, and my wonderful friends. I also have two of the best sisters one could have. I know that I can call them anytime and they will be there for me.

Funny how things go in life. My Mother became a widow when I was 4 years old. I am the youngest in my family, and now I am a widow. My father died young and my husband died young at age 54. Mom is now 88 years old and a wise wonderful woman. She is an encouragement to me and we have such heartfelt talks. I have so many questions I want to ask her. Right now I am in the middle of trying to get settled in the Town House. My two sons have moved with me. That is a comfort and helps me feel more at home. And of course, Mickey, our little Bichon, is trying to adjust probably just as much as the rest of us.

I wonder what the Lord has for me now? I don’t know, but I do know that in Psalms 57:3 it says, “He will send down help from heaven…because of His love and His faithfulness…” And I can tell you without a doubt, that is true.