I’m Dani, a single working mother of two children. I have been on my own for about two and a half years now. I grew up in a single parent household, being raised by my dad since I was very young. He was busy working, and so I spent most of my time with my grandparents and his sister (my godmother) Carol. I never had a strong mother figure in my home, but Carol was basically a mother to me. Words cannot express how much she means to me. She is now in heaven and looking down on us.
For some reason, I kind of always knew I was going to be a mother. Never having a mother around was very confusing. As a child at 3-4 years old, my dad would say "your mother is on the phone, she wants to talk to you", and I had no idea what he was talking about or who or what she was. She left when I was about 2 and came back to live in the area when I was a little over 6, but I still lived with my dad. It was very scary having to go stay with her every other weekend, being that I had no idea who she was. I hated staying with her due to her bad habits. I never knew what kind of mood she would be in or who would be around or where she would take me. We were never very close. I have 5 younger half-sisters who I love and like to spend as much time with as I can. They are ages 16, 14 ,8, 6, and 9 months. I’m trying to be a positive figure that they can look up to.
When I was 17, I met my children’s father. We got engaged after a short 3 months, moved in together right when I turned 18, and very soon thereafter I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter. He became jealous, controlling, and eventually abusive. The relationship ended in a protection order very shortly after my son was born in July of 2008. Their dad is not a steady father figure in their lives, and I don’t ever expect him to be. His mother tries to help, but she is very busy. My dad helps me out a lot, along with my sisters. I have a very loving and supportive family and wonderful friends. I love my job at the nursing home as a CNA; I have been there for almost 3 years. I would like to work more, but not being able to afford childcare puts me in a bind.
I’m always trying to find friends/relatives who can babysit for free because I can’t afford to pay them. My kids are usually with me for the everyday things that I need to do; laundry, appointments, etc... it’s exhausting and sometimes frustrating, but I would rather have my kids with someone who loves and cares about them than someone who doesn’t.
When I was 19 (and my daughter was only a few months old), I found my mom with syringes in her room. My younger sister, who was 11 at the time, and had dealt with my mother and her unhealthy habits and lived with her since she was born. She was very upset and thought she would have to deal with it forever. Everyone had known about her habits for a long time and had even reported to social services etc... but nothing was ever done. I decided that it was time to do something, being as there were 2 other younger children in the house as well. So I called 911 and told them to come right away (being as no one knew how long the stuff would be there) for the children's sake. They didn’t come until the next day, but I got the call to come over and watch the kids while they arrested my mother. They basically said that they didn’t know how long it would take to decide what would happen, where she would go, etc... so I said I’d stay with them. My dad came to help when he could, even though my sisters are not his children, and we were there for about a month. My mother finished rehab, and she has been clean for almost 4 years now.
I plan to start school for hair design, and my kids will be going to a daycare during the day while I’m at school. I am a little nervous, but after 3 years of being with them 24/7, I need a break for my mental sanity. Plus, they are big enough and will love to hang around other kids and tell me all about what they did at the end of the day. So for now its a struggle, but I know that in the future they will appreciate it and be thankful and know how much I love them.
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