No, I don’t have cancer. No, I’m not dying. Much less serious than that, I promise! I have an autoimmune condition called Alopecia Areata. I’m perfectly healthy, except for the fact that my white blood cells randomly decide to attack my hair follicles for no real reason. The result: I lose my hair in patches all over my head. The hair comes and goes, but to jump start the regrowth I see a dermatologist for treatment. For the past three years, I’ve been having steroid injections in my scalp once a month. While we’re opting for other (less painful!) treatments now, I’ll never forget what it’s like to play pincushion!
I haven’t always been able to laugh at my condition though; there are a lot of struggles that come with something like this. I was first diagnosed with AA when I was nine years old. Imagine what that was like! I was made fun of, and while I understand now that kids are kids (and when I’m completely honest with myself, I know that I probably would have done the same thing had roles been reversed), the emotional damage was done. Luckily though, I went through middle school with a full head of hair! That’s the thing about alopecia- it can be dormant for years, and all it takes is some stressful event for it to come back full force. That’s exactly what it did the summer after my freshman year of high school. This time around, however, the teasing and the hatred didn’t come from my peers; it came from me. I struggled with loving myself, something that’s hard enough to do in teen years, let alone when you’re jealous of every person walking by. I couldn’t understand why I was the one to be cursed with alopecia; I felt completely and utterly alone. It didn’t help that I refused to talk about it with anyone. I thought of it as my deep dark secret, even though everyone knew. That secret burrowed inside me and festered until it became a big ball of hate.
But I’ve come away from that! My alopecia has strengthened me. I’ve grown to understand that it’s just hair! What a dumb thing to worry about! I am so thankful that it’s not something more serious. I’ve also learned that I can still be beautiful and loveable without hair. I wear a wig and it cuts my getting-ready time in half! It’s awesome not having to painstakingly style my hair, and to always have a perfect ‘do. I’ve learned to love myself, both inside and out. But most importantly, I’ve learned that I am not alone. Things like this are meant to be shared with others. I truly believe that my alopecia is a gift, and that my calling in life is to use that gift to help others. I hope to one day write a book, both to raise awareness and to be there for my fellow Alopecians. I’m learning to laugh at myself, and not to take life so seriously. I’ve learned that life is far better spent laughing than it is crying. My alopecia is not a burden anymore; it is a blessing, for it has taught me so much about myself and about how to live a fulfilled and happy life.
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